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One Side: Beth

At times she films me while having a meal. It's jarring to spot myself on her social media – it feels like a sudden shock.

A close companion of 10 years, Marielle, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It can be amusing for a bit, but it strains our friendship.

Being highly outgoing, there's a constant urge the need to record everything constantly. When we eat out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and snaps pictures with bright lighting, which makes me cringe. It's unpleasant when other people see her performing for the camera – I experience vicarious awkwardness. It also frustrates me because the food gets cold.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but she is aspiring to become one. She creates video blogs about city life, her daily routine, and her styling career. The material is quality, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be dragged into it. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or just accompanying her. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it pops up like a jumpscare: I’ll have no makeup on, an awkward face or be captured while eating. It feels invasive.

She also expects me to film her at inopportune moments. Often I'm in conversation to someone else, or we’ll just be spending time in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to employ someone if she wanted professional shots. When I brought up my discomfort about the situation, she brushed it off. She’s taken me to a couple of brand events, which was nice, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest assisting her make content.

I’m grateful that she has supported me with my career in design, but I resist our friendship to become merely a tally of exchanges. I don’t feel she’s fake or inauthentic, but at times it seems that if recording starts, we will start performing in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

Her directive is, “OK, look happy!” and film me smiling with someone. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I enjoy being with her, but I also want to experience it without being recorded, altered, or posted for an audience. I’m not a prop for her Instagram.

The Other Side: Marielle

I hope my friend to see that the creations we make together can get us a foot in the door.

I love creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it's integral to who I am. Creating videos and sharing my life online enables me to show my personality and connect with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a full influencer yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who execute that style of informal, self-made film-making.

Creating content is my version of engaging with life: noticing the nuances, sharing them with an viewership that values the craft behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uneasy. Bringing her to industry events was my way of offering access, giving her a chance to witness behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That isn't blackmail, it's simply being pragmatic.

I would take her to such functions even if she refused to assist me, but I desire her to see the benefits the content we create together can get us: an opening. I know not everyone enjoys being on camera, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video occasionally is an inherent aspect of being my friend. I'd remove anything she requested, but she has never asked yet.

I don’t expect anybody to be my personal videographer, but friends help each other in minor capacities. My assumption was filming a clip here or there would be enjoyable for Beth. Creativity thrives in partnership, and having my friend around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I never force her to take part in anything, and I’d never intentionally humiliate her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our shared experiences.

I value Beth’s friendship profoundly and want to avoid content creation to drive a wedge between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like asking before recording, and steering clear of shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it’s about sharing my world while still respecting hers. Obviously making content is not a substitute for genuine friendship: it's merely part of how I live my life and I desire her to be involved in a way that’s agreeable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Public Sentiment

Is it right for her to stop filming herself and her friend when they are out together?

Nothing is more excruciating than having a friend point a camera at you. I get that it's her passion, but I wouldn't ask friends come to my work. Perhaps she can find influencer friends to collaborate with. With the uncertain future of AI, human connections are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
Liberty, 25

If you’re doing something professionally, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance every time, even if they have helped previously. While she enjoys shooting, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She must to honor her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and displaying her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she must to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It sounds like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some real experiences, where true emotions are stored, not online archives. Even public figures who seem to reveal their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
One opinion, 53

Marielle appears to be neither present nor authentic when they're together – she's on the job. Both seem unsure as to what’s reasonable. The solution is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing clear limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an acceptable compromise.
Barbara, 71

Now You Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been over-exposing their bond?